In the last week, I made the decision to resign from offices I held in the local Linux users' group, the USU Free Software and Linux Club. This decision was not a difficult decision for me to make, but it was a painful one because I had a great sense of ownership in the club and it was hard to give that up.

I do believe it was for the best, though.

Me, presenting at a FSLC Perl workshop.

I've been involved in local Unix and Linux groups for about four years or so- usually in some kind of leadership capacity. Before the FSLC, it was the Cache Valley Unix Users Group (CVUUG) where I was a sort of de facto president.

CVUUG was much less active than FSLC. We had meetings every month or so - and the meetings contained more impromptu discussion than any kind of structured presentations.

FSLC, on the other hand, was headed up by some very passionate individuals who were determined to indoctrinate the USU campus and surrounding community about the benefits of open source software. I was game and jumped on-board when the club was formed in 1999.

It wasn't until Fall 2000 that I assumed any kind of leadership role in FSLC. Up until that point, I was just an active member of the club. I didn't even consider running for an elected office because I was not a student at the time, but I was persuaded to do it anyway by others in the club. Only one person voted against me in the election (we don't know who that is, of course) so, by popular vote, I was made FSLC Secretary.

Me, presenting at FSLC's 2000 Forum.

During the last year as FSLC Secretary, I was occasionally bombarded by criticism by a some members of the club. One member, in particular, made my activity in the club nearly unbearable. Being a busy person with a family, school, a full-time job, and contract work on the side, the last thing I needed after spending hours planning a FSLC activity or event was to have someone tell me it "sucked" and that he would never do things that way.

On at least three different occasions in the last year, I complained to other officers in the club that I was near my breaking point. It was getting to be too difficult for me to put in time and effort only for my efforts to be belittled and ridiculed. I wasn't being paid for my service and I certainly was not being paid to put up with that kind of crap.

Each time I complained, I was told that I had the support of the other officers and that I should ignore those who complained and ridiculed my ideas, decisions and efforts, so I kept going.

This last Spring, I was appointed to be the chairperson for the 2001 Free Software and Linux Forum - the big annual event for the club. I had invited Bruce Perens to come as our keynote speaker and was thrilled to be part of the planning for this event.

I led the planning and organization of the Forum and successfully (I think) helped manage to keep the effort from falling to pieces as people who were delegated tasks were unable to finish them. For example, one week before the Forum's scheduled date, we still hadn't found speakers for three presentation slots during the day. We had to hurry and throw something together.

Because of the setbacks due to things not going as planned, I felt it was crucial we kept communications clear and that we honored and respected decisions made by the Forum "committee."

What ended up happening was this: Three days before the Forum, a member of the committee began questioning a decision which was made a couple weeks earlier which I felt strongly was the right decision. I reminded this person we had already made this decision and that we had more important things to do in preparation than revisit that decision. This sparked a heated discussion and the other person misinterpreted some things I said as directed personal attacks on him. There were accusations made that I was trying to weild Orwellian power tactics with my position as Forum chairperson and that I wasn't representing the best wishes of the club.

To add to this, the club member who had given me considerable criticism previously spoke up and said that the leadership of the Forum planning had been a joke and that the position of chairperson should be eliminated for the next Forum. He followed that remark by telling me I was not a good leader.

This was all taking place in an IRC channel and after that comment, I simply logged off. I was very frustrated and felt I was taking a lot of abuse simply for trying to keep things organized and on-track.

The next day, after giving it some thought, I e-mailed a letter of resignation to the officers of the club and those who were organizing the Forum. I didn't want to do that, but I felt that it was best thing to do because it would eliminate tensions in the Forum because of issues between myself and some other members in the club and because I was getting too invested in the FSLC.

Here is the text of that letter:

It is with some regret that I must resign from my positions as Forum
chairperson and as secretary of the Free Software and Linux Club. I do not
know what my participation in the club will be from this day forward, but
at this time, I have no desire or ability to hold any leadership role.

I feel FSLC has become much too important to me and I have held too much of
a personal stake in its doings. My interaction with fellow members has
probably cost me friendships, which is not a price I want to pay - but may
have to regardless.

I am sorry that some of you feel I failed to do what I was supposed to do
in my positions. I accepted the Forum chairperson position because no one
seemed interested. I was persuaded by club members to run for the office of
secretary despite my personal concerns that I should not (I was not a
student at the time). I feel hurt by the criticism I have received from
club members, but I acknowledge it as an indication that others feel they
can fill these positions more adequately than I have.

I thank you for the opportunity to serve with you and alongside you. I
apologize for that which I may have done which has caused any grief.

I do plan to attend the Forum Thursday evening to hear Bruce Perens speak
and, hopefully, to thank him in person for accepting my invitation to
come.

In retrospect, I think I was a pretty good leader for the FSLC. My main area-in-need-of-improvement is probably that I tend to get frustrated easily and I sometimes lose my temper when I'm frustrated. One of the criticisms I got from one member was that I didn't follow up on assigned tasks. I don't believe that is true. I may not have held people's hands to make sure they did the work they were assigned, but I don't believe that is the best approach to delegation. Empowering people to work independently is my philosophy.

I did show up for Bruce Perens' speech and it was wonderful. I had the opportunity to thank Bruce in person for accepting my invitation to come to Utah and deliver his speech.

After I made the final decision to resign, I felt a wave of relief wash over me. It's true that I was just too invested in the FSLC. It meant too much to me and it was taking up way too much of my life. I had other responsibilities which should have taken higher priority than FSLC such as my family, my career, and my health.

In the shadow of my resignation, however, I can't help but wonder what could be done to repair the harsh and tense conditions in the FSLC. Obviously, it would be a good idea to squelch the member(s) who do nothing and contribute nothing and, yet, think nothing of criticizing everyone else's efforts and contributions.

I also think that members need to learn greater respect for the offices elected officers hold. They need to respect those decisions and remember those decisions and weigh those decision when elections come rolling around again.

FSLC has been an incredibly active student organization with workshops and meetings going on at least once every two weeks. With an organization that active, it's very important that the decision-making component of the club be a well-oiled machine and that everyone adheres to and respects the decisions made by that body and the authority of that body.

Without this, it is going to be difficult to keep the FSLC alive.

As for me, I've had enough of it. I wish them the best. I am still on some of the club mailing lists so I can know about meetings and activities. I may attend if something interests me. I might even do a presentation if asked to do so by the club, but I no longer want to be involved in the mechanics.