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These posts are the creation of Doran L. Barton (AKA Fozziliny Moo). To learn more about Doran, check out his website at fozzilinymoo.org.

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Pffft

Posted: 30 June 2004 at 14:37:22

I need to get some work done, but I’m having some trouble concentrating, so I’ll flog about for a few minutes and hopefully it will give me some focus.

I’ve been feeling kind of anxious the last week or so. And I’ve little more snappy, irritable, and it’s been harder for me to settle down and get to sleep.

Last night, I tried to go to bed around 2 a.m. but I couldn’t calm down. So, at 2:45, I got some clothes on and took Kermit The Dog for a brisk walk a mile up the hill south of us. It was a good walk. We didn’t see a single car the whole time and the moon was just going down behind the Oquirrhs when I went out.

I got back home around 3:20 and, once again, tried to get to sleep... and couldn’t. I don’t know if it was that I was physically tired or what, but I started getting pretty upset. I was being pretty down on myself— I don’t have any friends here. We don’t do anything fun. We don’t have anything planned for the 4th of July. Fathers Day was kinda lame. Memorial Day was lame. My birthday was super-lame, but that was because I was sick as a dog.

Some of the lameness was by choice, I realize. And I think I was upset about that too- that I was choosing lameness.

Getting Iodynamics into "runaway success mode" has been harder than anyone anticipated and that’s frustrating. It’s been hard for me to remain focused. Yet, I need to or else we risk absolute failure. It’s like scaling up a cliff without any safety lines. I can climb back down (get a job) and be safe and accept that I’m a coward or I’m just not cut out for scaling cliffs. Or I can continue climbing up, not falling, and make it to the top and collect my reward... whatever it is. What is it? A twinkie?

Christine and I need a break... bad. We need a weekend away from home without kids, computers, phones, etc. It’s been five years since we did anything like that.

So, by 4:30 or so, I was sitting on the couch in the living room just beating myself up over how lame my life is.

Christine came out and talked with me. That made me a lot less lonely.