The answer to the question on everyone's minds is, most definitely, “Yes, things CAN get worse... much worse.”

Multiplicity of Hecticity

You know, the last couple of days, things between Smoochy* and Jennie haven't been good... but they haven't been bad either. They've been doing stuff together like going out to eat, watching TV and movies, etc. If they could keep that up, maybe they could work stuff out.

Unfortunately, that was just the calm before the storm. And — more unfortunately — Christine and I got caught up in the storm.

We all went to church today. I was surprised Smoochy* attended since he's been missing Sunday church meetings for the last couple of weeks. I thought maybe, just maybe, just possibly there might be an upswing in things ahead.

Today was Fast Sunday, so we attended testimony meeting. Jennie was one of the first in the congregation to get up and bear her testimony. She was sweet and expressed her thanks to Christine and I and our children for being in her life. Smoochy* sat with his elbows on his knees staring at the floor between his shoes.

After we came home, I called my mom and she invited us to dinner. I asked her if we could invite Smoochy* and Jennie. She said that was fine so I let them know they were invited. Smoochy* declined saying he was fasting, adding “you're supposed to fast for 24 hours.” Jennie said she'd come anyway.

After dinner, we went back home around 8:30. I went into my office to work on some programming I'd been needing to work on and pretty much stayed there most of the evening except to put the girls in bed and to run to the grocery store around midnight for more sunflower seeds.

Sometime after 1 a.m., I was working on some Perl code with my headphones in when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to find Jennie in tears. She was nearly hysterical and told me she couldn't take it anymore. I asked her what happened. She told it was “more of the same” — that Smoochy* had told her she was crazy and that she wasn't living “in reality.”

I woke Christine up and told her what was going on. We sat down with Jennie in the basement family room and she told us Smoochy* wouldn't leave her alone wouldn't let her go to sleep. I don't remember all of what she said had happened, but it was clear Jennie was shook up and it probably wasn't a good idea for Smoochy* and Jennie to continue living together until they got some professional help.

I thought it would be a good idea to get Smoochy* out of the house for a while so Jennie could go to sleep so I went upstairs and asked Smoochy* to go to Dennys with me. He said he wasn't hungry. I asked to come anyway. He went into the bathroom for a while and then went into their bedroom, closed the door, and turned off the light.

I waited a couple minutes and then knocked on the door asking him how long it took to get his shoes on. He yelled through the door that he wasn't coming.

I was trying to keep my cool, but this was really getting stupid. I decided to disconnect Smoochy*'s computer and put it in my car. I did this to get him to come out of the bedroom. It worked. He came after me as I was locking the computer in my car. I asked him if he was ready to go to Dennys with me. He had no intention of going to Dennys with me.

At this point, I think I wasn't really even sure what I wanted to accomplish. Most of all, I wanted Smoochy* and Jennie to quit having these stupid episodes and get on with their lives whether that meant divorce or reconciliation. I suggested he leave. That was pointless. I tried asking Smoochy* what he was hoping to accomplish with his behavior, what his motivation was, because I was having trouble understanding. I asked him if he was purposely trying to make himself miserable. He said no, he wasn't. He told me he saw no reason to talk to me about anything since I was not a “registered counsellor.”

I won't mention the silly threats Smoochy* made at me because they were, well, silly.

The discussion Smoochy* and I were having was really going nowhere, as most discussions lately with Smoochy* go (or so I'm told. I've been avoiding him). So, finally, I just asked him if he could agree to not talk to Jennie about anything regarding their relationship, her alledged “issues”, etc. I told him he should treat her like a house-mate and nothing more and that I would talk to Jennie about doing the same. He said he would if I also promised not to talk to Jennie about anything.

I know Smoochy* feels threatened by Jennie talking to Christine and I, but I also know Christine and I are not exactly conspiring against Smoochy*. We just want Smoochy* and Jennie to work things out and until they work things out, we don't want Jennie to get hurt, physically or emotionally.

So, I told Smoochy* that Christine and I were trying to not give Jennie advice - that we were listening to her. Granted, we do give her some advice, but not mean-spirited advice.

So, I asked him again if he would agree to not talk to Jennie these things. He asked me if he would get his computer back. I told him I'd get his computer regardless of how he answered my question. He told me he would not agree to anything and he would not be coerced. I told him I wasn't trying to coerce him to agree- that I used the computer to “coerce” him out of his bedroom.

He made some more silly threats and continued to say he wouldn't agree to anything.

I changed my question to asking him if he could at least see the wisdom in what I was asking.

He wouldn't agree to that either.

Finally, I asked him if he would just promise not to talk to Jennie the rest of the night. He agreed to that.

Then I asked him if he'd let Jennie sleep in the bedroom and if he'd volunteer to sleep on the couch, as a gentleman. He said he wouldn't do that.

I got the computer and put it back in Smoochy*'s office. I went back downstairs and told Christine and Jennie what had happened. Jennie layed down on the recliner in the family room and Christine went to bed.

I had some mail to send, which I was hoping to send on the way to Dennys, so I went ahead and got in my car and headed to the post office. When I got back, Jennie and Christine were upstairs and going downstairs and Jennie was all upset again.

Christine said Smoochy* told her that he wanted us to move out immediately. Jennie said not to listen, that we could stay as long as we wanted.

So... here we are... It's nearly 5 a.m. I'm not sure what, if any, good was ensued. It may very well have been a mistake to talk to Smoochy*, but I do believe the best thing for Smoochy* and Jennie right now is simply not to talk to each other until they both cool down and probably not until they have some kind of professional mediation to help work things out.

I am concerned, however, the potential benefit of trying to set up this guideline of non-communication with Smoochy* may have been lost by the circumstances. He's obviously angry at me and Christine now, moreso than he was before.